How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
