I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pooping to opera.
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