It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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