my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
