im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
