puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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