I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
