is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
