yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
