hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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