i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
