That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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