My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize