i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
