well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
