so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
accomplished twins. life is a go
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
