I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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