You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
