I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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