I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize