We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
