A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need to get me chipped asap
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
