giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
