I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
