I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
