I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
