If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this just has baby written all over it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
