and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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