I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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