I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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