My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
