Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
