Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
