I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
More tranny stories later!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
