she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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