now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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