he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
