Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
