Small penises have feelings too.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
