i used baking grease as lip gloss
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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