if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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