dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
