K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I came so hard my ears popped.
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