A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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