just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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