So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
