i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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