please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
