Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
