he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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