Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
