how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
