Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
