the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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