I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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