I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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