Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
