He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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