Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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