Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's never too late to be topless.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
