Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
