I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
