Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
